Linda (ana_silverchair) wrote in goofcore,
Linda
ana_silverchair
goofcore

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Jeremy and my feelings for him :) <3

What a day! Its Good Friday, and its been fun! I wish certain things couldve happened, but its okay because I still
had a good time. I spent most of the day with Jeremy, and I really really like him. He drove us around, and he is so

sweet. We got to the topic of rollerblading(inside joke for smoking pot) and it turns out he has never gone rollerblading. It was crazy, so were

planning on corrupting him, but in all honesty, if he truly doesnt want to, then I have no intention of making him.

Besides rollerblading is a lot of fun, but it has its cons, so if he doesnt want to, Im okay with that, and I just hope

that he isnt turned off that I have. The good thing is that I dont do it much, in fact, Ive only done it maybe 4-5

times in my life (once in 9th grade and then 3-4 times since Janurary) He didnt hold my hand in the movies and I

really wanted him to, and there was no kiss goodnight...Im wondering if he even is attracted to me or if he was just

being--if he just wants to be friends. I hope not, because I really like him. Im so excited about prom, itll be great. I

went running/walking today so that was a good thing. I took a shower and shortly after Jeremy came over, we hung

out in my room, talking and watching tv and then we went to starbucks, hung out for 15 minutes, went to Katies,

hung out for like an hour or two and then we all went to the movies. We had to leave early because Katie had to go

home to babysit. I cant say that I love him, its such a strong word, but I really want to be close to him. I want to

spend most of my time with him, I want to sit up in my room and just lay with him being close to him watching

movies. I just want his protective arms around me, I just want him. Thats all, I just want him. It pains me to think

that he may not like me, maybe Im not what he expected, maybe Im not pretty enough, , clean enough, good

enough. Amanda and everyone says he likes me, but what if he doesnt. I wish I had the courage to take his hand in

the theater today, and I wish I couldve at least given him a peck on the cheek, and I wish I could tell him how I

really feel. But, then again, theres always tomorrow, and maybe tomorrow Ill have the courage to do even just one

of those things. Amanda and Liz are coming over to watch movies in a bit, so Im going to go...Im just going to

copy some poems I wrote in my notebook about my feelings for him the other day...grant i was studying sonnets at

the time! No titles

Poem #1

Such an overwhelming happiness

Where did it spring from?

I am smiling again with gleefulness

Not the cynical, usual bitter one

Blame it on the medication

Or, if you wish, the changes

But in my heart and mind, sedation

I know its from when you came

Nothing can be perfect, that is given

but though my problems and ailments loom

there is a magic in the air which is livin

How else can I do but have my love bloom?


Poem #2

Doubt, wonder skip through my mind

Are the rumors true, is your heart mine?

I am told that you love me, but is it true

why me?Is it me that your heart chose?

I dont know how this works

I am inadequate and insecure

What I know, is the intense feelings for you

What they are I havent a clue

You bring me elation and a skip of my heart

I cant help but think Ill pinch and not feel

Many a times I have thought of you

Not quite knowing if the dream would come true

If you know of relationships keys, point me in the right direction please

I know I want to be with you, but how to keep it so, I just dont know

Guide me, so I can love you better

Teach me, so I can know you better

Love me, and youll never know whats better.


Later-

Well I talked to Amanda and she gave me this look when I asked her if she thought Jeremy liked me or if he was just being nice...and said that "he's only been in love with you since he moved here!" and I questioned that "how do you know" sort and she was like "because in band all last year, you were in front, I was in the sort of back and he was across the room and everytime I looked back he was just staring at you...then whenever he talked with us, it was when you were there, he never talked to me when you weren't there...and in which case (one time) he asked about you...and I just put all that together..."

So I sort of just was like, I sure hope you're right...but I got happy again, like, oh gee, he DOES like me, unless his feelings have changed...so the doubts came again and this all reminds me of "Truthfully" by Lisa Loeb

This isn't what I like to call flattery,

but I know that I believe that I've found what's true

That I"ve found what's you

Truthfully I am finding finally

Truthfully you have helped me find at last

Truthfully we are finding out what's true

Truthfully I am finding out what's you

Suprise 'cause I was flying a plane

Suprise 'cause I was smiling again

Suprise 'cause you showed up with your parachute

Suprise I am kind of happy that you showed up

Truthfully I am finding finally

Truthfully you have helped me find at last

Truthfully we are finding out what's true

Truthfully I am finding out what's you

Truthfully I can't explain, I'm floating, smiling again

Truthfully I can't ignore you, 'cause I've been waiting for you

Truthfully I'm not desperate yet I haven't changed my mind since we first met

The last thing I want to do is to tell you that I'm right for you

Truthfully I am finding finally

Truthfully you have helped me find at last

Truthfully we are finding out what's true

Truthfully I am finding out what's you

I'm finding finally

I'm smiling again...
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